I set my alarms at 5:45AM and 6:00AM. And 7:00….And 8:00. I want to succeed, but I don’t want to fail so miserably that I am late.

The night before I laid out my clothing, made a list of everything I want to do in the (if all goes as planned) three hours I had in the morning, itemized, should my hazy brain be unwilling to do the work, I wanted to succeed!

The things that led to this are long and varied, but the short is, I looked at what an ideal day of my life would look like. I had planned, on a different sheet in my bullet journal, what my “Ideal Day” would be full of, in terms of productivity, creativity, fiscal responsibility, work, physical health….Oh yes, I made a page of what I wanted my days to look like in a perfect fantasy world. I then realized I needed super powers and a million more hours to achieve that, so I opted to get up earlier in the morning, despite being a noted anti morning person. Pro Night Owl, I revert to fully nocturnal within three days if l let myself, but NO I am going to go against 31 years of experience, and I will rise early in the morning! I will do EVERY ITEM ON MY LIST! *Cue ominous “this girl is gonna fall on her face she will fail so hard” music*

THE LIST

Awake by 6:00 AM

Full 32 ounces of water. Cup of tea.

Wake N Bake while reading- Light reading on Medium of relevant articles for my day- Productivity, creativity, writing, with the occasional accounting thing to help my icky bill paying day job.

Stretching- I want this to turn into yoga, like I used to do when I woke up…in the afternoons, because I didn’t have a job to worry about getting to because I was in my twenties and my life was in shambles because I was a moron. Hated my twenties, but I loved my schedule.

Brush teeth/Wash face

Eyeliner

SPF and Primer

Smoke some weed while the primer sets

Finish makeup- goal was to have a full face, for the sake of getting the most time. I rarely do a full face and normally just rock eyeliner, mascara, and something to hide the bags under my eyes if needed. But, my goal, for this exercise, was full face.

Get dressed

Do hair

Pack a lunch, snacks, and my travel tea.

Seriously, don’t forget the tea.

Figure out dinner plans with partner.

Have work bag packed

Do morning Poshmark Closet Share

Have full buzz for my walk to work

Arrive at work on time, on or around 9:00AM.

I woke up at 6:00! I did not hear my 5:45 alarm at all, which is worrying, but I woke at 6:00! I didn’t want to, but I screamed a myself. I also made sure to drink a ton of water any time I woke up, so I had to pee. Worked against myself to work for myself! Go me!

The tea, of course I had, and the water I managed as well, see below.

Dab, bong, and several amazing articles on Medium with Gary Vee video’s in the background on my laptop. I finished all the water because of the smoking, and I finished my tea. Because I woke up early, I had time to make a second cup in my regular mug, not my travel, so I could still have a travel mug of tea to just sip happily, not guzzle down because my first cup went cold and I need caffeine.

Stretching- Okay so maybe I didn’t get this one, but I did do some stretching, but it wasn’t for longer than five minutes.

Teeth, face, SPF and Primer, all done.

Smoked more weed, checked on partner who was still dead asleep. Shared the Poshmark Closet because partner was still asleep, so I had the time.

Finished makeup, did an entire face. I get dressed; it took mere moments because I took time to lay out my clothes the night before.

Packing a lunch would have been more feasible if I had groceries, so I add “make grocery list” to my daily to do list in my bullet journal.

I had some snacks, cheese, some hard-boiled eggs, and some popcorn, etc so I grabbed these, and finished packing my work bag. I made my travel mug tea.

Partner was still passed out, so no dinner plans were discussed, but he looked cute all curled up in a ball of sleep.

I do another dab of my new favorite wax, hit my bong once more, kiss Bret goodbye, hoping he doesn’t sleep in past the meeting all the managers at his job have today, and walk to work.

I made it, by 9:00.

All in all, made great progress, and I think I know how to shore up some of the weaker parts of my morning routine. In a moment of serendipity, I read an article in Medium about someone else who had gone to the 6:00 AM rising schedule, who, like me, was pleased by how much time he did have, and how much control he now had over three beautiful hours in the morning to get his head on right, was also considering bumping that time to 5:45. I am as well, because I think that is the extra time that would help me get in some light yoga. I won’t do a full face every day, as I rarely do, so I will gain some time there. I wanted to squeeze more productivity into my morning schedule, instead of the “well, I can post that IG post real quick” which was nice, but not planned for maximized efficacy with the time windows users are on, so, I need to work on a few productive tips, like making a post but posting it later, adding some yoga, maybe adding a writing stint or uploading or live streaming element, but that early in the morning, uploading or writing are probably best, as most people who are getting up that early, probably don’t want to watch an writer dressed as an accountant get high enough to not blow her brains out while she balances books at her day job. I also need to work on not having this be too much like an informal conversation, and therefore have less run on sentences that go on forever. But as my high school English teacher Mr. Cooper can tell you, i’ll probably stubbornly stick to that annoying habit long into my adult life. One thing at a time, after all.

               But I had returned to work having taken two days off, Friday and Monday, and one would think I would have been there all night, and never had a moment to breath, from all the work left undone. Instead, despite a broken phone and errant copy machine, I managed to not only complete all my back work, but my day’s tasks, and a few favors. My boss dumped some projects on me, and I rose to the occasion. I had many great chats with my few good coworkers and a fun, nerdy chat with the phone guy when he came to replace my broken phone. All in all, it was a pretty good day, and I am a lady known for having pretty shitty fucking Tuesday’s.

                I managed to leave work not quite when I hoped, which would be the second I had been there for eight hours as I work through lunch most days, but still, earlier then I would have had I had my usual wake up time, and I would have been in a much worse mood for it.

                I hate mornings, I hate chipper people in the morning. This isn’t the story of me becoming one of those people.  I want a good three hours of nursing caffeine in the form of a hot, fair-trade beverage, getting high on high quality cannabis, glaring at the rising sun and preparing my mind, body, and soul, for the upcoming tortures of the day. I also hate my job, so that is also why that last one exists. If I don’t have a job I hate but have to go to in order to pay bills, which is a future I am working towards and do see in the future, I will still want my three hours. I still want to make good use of my day. My schedule for when I don’t have the job to go to will probably look similar, but with more social media involved, and probably more emails to the business email, as that is part of the plan to leaving my job, the side hustle growing,  but, the morning time frame would look the same, I think.

                In all this discovery, I realized I had a fairly interesting take on the situation, at least as interesting as the reader I had read on Medium, so I opted to start writing it. I made some edamame quickly, since I hadn’t had lunch and was hungry, and started writing, hoping to at least log some words in any of my projects, and just like that, this experience came pouring out. Alas, in true meta form, I thought this was the start of my Medium writing adventure, but I think, as I write this, that it may be the start of my blog.

               My name is Abbi. I write Meta, and my blog is no exception.