I tried to sleep in, enjoy my weekend, and have two glorious lazy mornings in bed with my partner and our pets. What I learned, however, was shocking.
I had told myself I could sleep in on the weekend as a reward for getting up early every day this week, achieving my goals for the week, etc. I thought I would sleep in, and spend the rest of my day being productive, getting writing done, doing yoga, making visual art for Flake City, coloring fun pictures, making content for my Instagram page, reading up on longer articles on Medium, making content for TheDBAMeta page….
I woke up Saturday, not too late, around nine or so, and while I did enjoy the rest, and I loved my lazy morning with my partner and my pets…but I felt lazy and overall “blah” all day. I managed to power through and get some cleaning done, but all in all, I did not achieve everything I had hoped to. I worked on some art, but nothing like I was hoping.
I told myself maybe it was the sleeping in, but opted to try and sleep in again, and see how that went. Maybe I was just tired from all the days of early rising, surely this meant that I could sleep in again and see how it all played out.
*Narrator Voice* : “It played out poorly, very poorly.”
I did no cleaning, hell I barely made dinner. I was too lazy to even play video games.
Let that sink in.
I was so lazy, I didn’t even play one of my favorite video games, on a day I already knew I wasn’t going to get work done on. That is insane.
So, what did I learn from this?
Turns out, I need to wake up earlier more than I thought. Now, admittedly, there were some external reasons to explain being less energetic than I would normally feel, but overall, the sleeping in made me feel even lazier. I don’t need to be regimented on the weekends, that could lose the freedom of the weekend, but I do think some more structure is needed. Weekends are always tricky for me, when it comes to content creation, hell content posting. I have had posts prepped, and merely not hit “post”. I will forget to share our Poshmark closet, I will forget to knit, I will forget to do anything other than just cleaning up around the house.
I don’t know why. I suspect this is because my parents stressed doing chores, like, a lot, more than most parents I have seen, actually, so now I always feel like in order to be “allowed” to rest, everything must be spotless, but I’m 31 and blaming my parents seems lame this late in life. So, while this may actually contribute to it, I don’t feel comfortable laying this at my parents feet. Only I can take responsibility for myself, after all, so even IF my parents fucked me up, (Which by my mothers own omission was a bit of their goal anyways), at this point in my life, it doesn’t matter. I need to own it, even if it isn’t per se my fault. I can’t seem to rest when cleaning is needing to be done.
The reason could also be that I hate messes and can’t rest if I see them.
Or that we live in a society that says that creative pursuits are not as important as physical ones. I think this last one may be bigger than any of us realize.
So, I resolved Sunday night to return to my early rising mornings, and despite staying up to rewatch Game of Thrones (8.3 I think we all know why,even if you don’t watch, surely you saw the internet lose it’s mind.), I managed to get out of bed at 6:15AM, and I made it to work before 9:00AM. I did mild yoga this weekend, but not enough to qualify for what my goals are, but I got up early and I KEPT TRYING to better myself, and the world around me.
I now have a very valuable lesson for my tool bag: Despite all logic, I need to be up early in the morning to be my best (and most usefully, productive) self, I don’t per se need tons of sleep (4.5-6 hours seems sufficient on this schedule), but I do need to be up early and moving. I am looking into how to further tinker with my schedule, to make it work even better for me, but I am pleased with my new knowledge. I now know such a huge part of what I need to succeed, so I now have less overall work to do, mentally.
THAT is a valuable gift, and a lot of emotional work is now done, from that very unproductive weekend, so, I would say, that weekend was well wasted.
So, let this be a lesson in finding bright sides, to being lazy, to being productive, and wasting an entire weekend. At first I was bummed, but I have a much better understanding of my schedule, and a great attitude for the week. I didn’t need to be so hard on myself Sunday afternoon,because i was able to kick Monday morning in the balls. Look for the positives/wins and be kind to yourself.