Daily Blog #29 “grief limbo and concluding the time management theme”

Thursday

Today has been long and it’s far from over.

I came into work to try and get some work done before anything happens with grandpa.

Every time I think I can leave, something else pops up.

I’m really needing a support system for this pending death and I’m scared about getting through it.

Thursday Night

So the topic this week has been time management. Yesterday I talked (in between the news of grandpa) about using your time wisely on things that fufill you, and the one before that I talked about doing one thing every day that gets you where you want to go.

So, for me I have a lot on my mind and I am drowning in no small amount of grief, so doing much has been tricky.

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

But still, I have to make sure to do at least one productive thing. I played video games to boost my spirit and I am working on the blog. I wrote some other stuff but it is on private mode. It’s later than I should be awake but there are factors I can’t control.

So I’ll go to bed and work on this tomorrow.

Friday Morning

Time management is tricky when dealing with the weird state of limbo I’m in. Yesterday I got plenty of work done at work, so I’m thinking I will stay home today and just get to work around the house. It will make grieving that much easier.

My grandpa and I are both fairly clean people, although in his older age he has been known to hang on to clutter more than I do, but he likes a clean sink and appreciates clean floors the same way I do.

What does all of this have to do with time management?

We’ve discussed using our time for our future selves, and this is an extension of that. I know this weekend may get tough for me, once grandpa officially passes and I begin grieving. I don’t want to get lost in sadness, and have it slip to depression. My grandfather and I both also believe that a messy space will breed depression, so, since his death will make me sad, and his brain is full of blood, I’ll go ahead and try to have a clean house for whenever *the call* happens.

Photo by Volha Flaxeco on Unsplash

This way I can spend the weekend doing other things as well. I’m home from work today so I can blast music and get a ton of cleaning done. Now, this weekend I can play video games, write, maybe even meal prep for this upcoming week and whatever it may hold for me, and not have chores hanging over my head.

So, this is another lesson in time management. Looking ahead, I know my upcoming weeks look different now. My long term goals stay the same, if anything, grandpa’s death will only fuel the writing.

My time management and small things I do each day changes as my goals change. My long term ones, very much intensified, but the path stays similar. The daily actions I take for my immediate future may shift however.

Earlier in the week, my day would be best spent at work, doing some work and playing on social media- engaging with others. I would have a small chore list for Saturday night, I would be preparing for a slightly different (and more active) weekend. Now my plans are going to be more in line with “whatever my mental health needs” so I want to keep space open.

For example, I should keep time open for a walk, for yoga, for hanging with friends, and not for chores, projects, and decluttering.

But future me ALSO needs a clean place to heal, so, instead of going to work, despite kind of needing the money, I am working on my to-do list, and my future.

Not everyone can afford to take off work- I am lucky to have coworkers who understand what I am going through and a partner who also has a job. I am mindfully grateful of this too- because being mindful of your time usage also forces you to me mindful of other things. I am very glad to have my job be so understanding of my limbo-which-will-turn-to-grieving.

Later- Whoops

Photo by Andre Guerra on Unsplash

Whoops! Haven’t posted this! Started tidying up, made some food, it’s mearlt eleven, and I’m chugging my first cold brew.

I’m gonna get to work and also get this blog posted because HEY it is Friday! And I want a good weekend, or as good as it can be.

Time management isn’t always about squeezing more into your day, like this week started out. Sometimes it’s spendig the right time with the right parts, it’s using time to help you, and adjusting your goals as life adjusts you.

Happy Friday!!

Abbi

PS- about out to Amber for encouraging me to right a blog about my “do something that builds for the future” habit that inspired the time management theme for this week! It was fun doing a theme when life knocked me around, I may do this again! Also Amber is amazing so- shout out for that too.

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