Tuesday Afternoon 

It has been a very fun day, and by fun, I of course mean “What the actual fuck, oh my god, when will this week end.”

But, the problems are mostly sorted, and I am able to (hopefully) settle into an afternoon of peaceful work and catching up on my writing.

Today marks my last day of 31. My last breakfast as 31, was a missed breakfast and my last morning in bed as a 31 year old, I slept in and was late to work.

Hilarious because a few years ago, when I was in a less healthy place, physically and mentally, I was always on time, if not incredibly early, barring things outside of my control.

Now, I am MUCH healthier mentally, I mean, looking back it is WILD how much better I am, mentally, and physically. I weigh more than I did a year ago, but I also know where that weight came from, and that some of it is new muscle. I understand my body is a work in progress with the end result not being a thin frame but a healthy one.

My life is less toxic, with damn near all toxic influences completely cut and removed from my life, in an apartment that I can afford and sustain. Sure, I don’t love my apartment, and my job CAN be toxic, but I am also aware of how very blessed and fortunate I am to have gotten to this point.

I am also in a healthy enough state of mind to make changes as they need to be made, in sustainable enough ways to maintain them as life changes, not temporary fixes. I know what I actually need versus what I want, and i know how to balance all of that with what is happening in my life.

For example, I would like a larger, better lit apartment with a better bathroom, larger kitchen, and a small yard, or at least a patio.

But our apartment is a three minute walk to work, and is INCREDIBLY affordable. Those little gems you can’t find online, that you only find as someone living in the city. It is very pet friendly, they don’t mind that it always smells like weed when I am home, and all in all,  it isn’t the worst place in the world. (Although, full disclosure, they could be more attentive with the maintenance. I am sick and tired of my broken sink)

BUT, much as I want to move, I know if I did so we could never put away the money we need to not only grow our business and creative endeavors, but we could never travel, much less move to, a weed legal place, or anywhere at all.

We need to continue to live in a well located place with a small overhead to save our money and live better.

But living in a place you are miserable is bad for your mental health, so I have been working within those parameters.

We will live here for a while, hell, likely until we leave Houston, so, to me, spending some money to update and make it nicer is a better investment.

Consider this: the apartment I would like us to be in would cost us at least 400-500 more per month, and would not be all bills paid, like our place is. EVERY MONTH.

I can spend 400 dollars and make my apartment as nice as those fancier ones, in some key ways. Once.

This has been an ongoing project, 50 here, 25 there, slowly making the apartment better. If you follow the blog you know that I also re-purpose things, like the paint, and since we have a small apartment, one gallon of paint goes a very long way.

Next, I want to add more lighting and some contact paper for the counters, and some of the peel and stick tile to make a back splash for stove.

I wanted to do this by Thanksgiving, but I think it may have to wait until Christmas or the New Year…and I am mature enough to realize that this apartment is also a work in progress, and i have to make sustainable changes to actually better the situation.

This is what I mean by making sustainable changes and begin realistic about what I can change.

If you “can’t” change something, you should still try to improve it.

Sure, I am lucky enough to live in an apartment that is friendly with changes and updates, but plenty other places are too. Additionally, tons of YouTubers have great advice on rental friendly remodels and upgrades, many also give advice for how to keep your security deposit, so give it a look and see what you can change. I am hoping to actually document some of my final changes, for a “how to improve your rental place” blog.

My point being, sometimes you can’t change things, or to do so would only hurt you further. I do not want to return to stressing about bills the way Bret and I have had to in the past.

We could be in that same situation, or worse, if we opted to move to a nicer apartment, because we would need to pay more per month, live further from work, possibly needing a car, and, we would stress more about how to save money, and go on trips…We would never be able to save for our future, and likely our creative goals would take a massive hit…because stress does that.

Instead, we work hard to make our current situation more enjoyable, more tolerable, and in some ways, actually delightful.

A coat of paint really can do a lot, and I am slowly ordering more supplies. I am looking to have at least some new drip pans for the stove, one new burner for our broken burner, and some under cabinet lighting, by Thanksgiving, which is next week.

Overall, I like that I have arrived at this place in my life where I can maturely try and fix problems versus lamenting and hating the problem.

So, my life is totally different a year ago. I was on the path to where I am now, but I wasn’t anywhere near here.

I didn’t have this blog, I didn’t have my writing confidence, I didn’t have a handle on what I even wanted my life to look like…I just knew I wanted it to be different, in a better way.

Now, it is.

Tomorrow, I turn 32.

Which, by the time this is posted, I AM 32. When this blog drops I will have been 32 for seven hours. I am very excited for my 32nd year on this planet.

I am looking to have a really great year, because for the past year I have been working towards having a better life.

A sustainable, better, life.

So: I talked about my past year in yesterday’s blog, and some of my goals, so I won’t go into too many details on that.

But, I do have goals, mostly to just build upon the work I have done thus far.

My birthday is today.

Some people are all about bringing you down on your day. “Oh it’s only a day.” “Oh, it’s not a big milestone birthday” or “Grown up’s don’t need to celebrate birthday’s, it’s just another day.”

Get the fuck out of here with that crap. If YOU don’t want to do much for YOUR day, that is YOUR choice. My choice is that my day, and everyone’s day, matters.

For my birthday, I have taken the two days after my birthday off, so I can enjoy a long four day weekend. I will be doing something tomorrow evening, likely eating and smoking weed, with maybe a bit of social activity or shopping.

I plan on puttering around the apartment and getting it nice and clean to really enjoy my first couple of days of being 32, and be really well suited for next week.

And write like 20,00 words.

NaNoWriMo is moving along well, and I would like to finish before Thanksgiving and my mom’s visit next week. I have not quite 20,000 words to complete, and load once verification opens up.

I also want to finish, because as I have mentioned, I plan on doing Blogmas, which is basically a reading advent calendar for any daily blog readers.

One blog, every day from December 1-25!

And now is is a few minutes after quitting time and I want to get the fuck out of here so….More later in my COUNTDOWN TO 32!

After Midnight, Tuesday Night/Wednesday Morning

Well, I am now 32! I didn’t blog before now because I ended up not feeling well towards the end of work and was honestly worried about how I may feel later, and for my birthday. I came home, lounged around, smoked, and ate some matzo ball soup Bret ordered me. Once I ate, I shaved, shower, did my hair, and all that, and then Bret kindly agreed to watch Dollface with me, so I am on my third rewatch, this time with Bret.

But it is nearly one in the morning and don’t want to be exhausted in the morning when I wake up, so I think I may wrap this little blog up…Because being 32 is all about being mature enough to make the right choices, because earlier I had this whole realization about self care that I plan to blog about tomorrow, on my first day of 32.

Thank you all for being here, on my birthday, and I am so glad to be here. I am glad I spent 31 starting and growing a blog, and I am so happy to conintue that into 32.

Happy Wednesday and Happy Birthday to my fellow 11/20 birthdays.