Tuesday

Today has been a very busy day of work, trying to write, meetings, trying to blog, oh, and all while trying to keep a positive mental attitude.

And I wore the wrong bra, I tell you. This bra is horrible, and feels way too tight. I know I have gained some weight but this just feels terrible, and I am not a fan. The final nail in the “going to buy some more of my 20 dollar sports bras and call it a day” coffin.

I don’t know if I will be doing that this pay period or not, may have to just keep washing and wearing the same bra every day, but I don’t think this bra is gonna make it in the new year, unless I drop a bunch of weight/inches.

Which may happen, so I’ll save this bra (it’s a nice one) for six months or so, and see what happens.

So, when I get home, this bra comes off, and I will probably change into my sports bra. I need to go grocery shopping, which sucks, because we really need to go to Walmart to make the money go further, but Walmart is kind of terrible.

Still, I don’t mind it as much on a Tuesday.

So, the plan is, when I get home, to rip this damn bra off, smoke a bunch of weed and do a dab, put a jogging bra on, head to the grocery store while Bret does the fun shopping, and then we can meet back at home probably for a very chill dinner. Although, to be honest, we do frequently treat ourselves to dinner on days when we do the big grocery trip, because Walmart will leave me feeling too trained to do much of anything, much less make a delicious meal and clean up after.

Working out will also be tricky, with said trip to the store, but I am making an effort to try and at least squeeze something into the evening other than grocery shopping, weed smoking, and, if all goes as planned, some video games.

So, it is now after quitting time for me, by a few minutes, and I wanted to go ahead and update the blog while I finished some smaller tasks at work, and then head on home for my evening.

Which is what I have done, and now I will go, because my neck is killing me and I want to smoke. Till later!

Wednesday Morning

As I fell asleep last night, hating myself for not having gotten as much done as was my goal, I realized how much pressure I was putting on myself, and how much it was kind of crushing me, and making doing all this stuff, every single day, harder and harder.

Not only was it making it harder and harder to do, it was making me miserable, and, notably, less productive, so I am always feeling worse about getting less done, ultimately doing less while also being miserable.

I always talk about the importance of being kind to yourself and resting and all that crap and here i am burning myself out.

It isn’t sustainable, and one of my biggest things with healthy, or even better, living, is to make sure I make it sustainable, so I am making long term good habits, versus temporary fixes that hurt me.

But I also, for some reason, feel the need to do everything, every day.

The apartment doesn’t have to be clean every day, although the sink probably should be.

I like blogging every day, but it is also hard when I spend a lot of time writing. Writing either creatively or blogging is tricky to do when I have a bunch of other crap to do, but then I insist on writing every day, so I stay up later.

If I am going to stay up later, because writing makes me feel better, then I should at least make an effort to eat a healthy meal, or do a face mask, some sort of multi tasking while I write, so I can make good use of my time, but also not burn myself out by not eating or taking any time for self care.

I need to realize not everything has to be done every single day, and people can take days off. But also, I can do the things I want to do every day, like write, if I balance the things I don’t need to do every day.

Just because people who are in perfect pristine shape work out every single day doesn’t mean I need to. I want to work out to get into better shape, but there isn’t a physical reason, other than health. I want to it to be easier to move on a daily basis, which happens with a body that stays semi active. I want to live a full life, so I do cardio and yoga with other work outs mixed in to keep me healthy.

But that doesn’t mean I need to work out every single day. Many would argue it is better to do an hour long work out every other day that I take seriously and work hard it, than two thirty minute work outs I half ass in the span of two to three days.

I have to give myself a break, and I have to be okay with not doing every single thing every single day, because that isn’t sustainable.

I also need to revamp some things. My focus in the kitchen, for example, is different, and my focus in the reselling business is different, my desk and vanity needs are different, I have several changes I am in the middle of doing or need to start planning, to make some of it more sustainable. I am working on a degree of minimalism where I get rid of things and really properly organize because it makes it easier and faster to clean…

But the method I am using is new, I think, but it is new to me, for sure.

Instead of the “does it bring you joy” I am working on “What irks me” basically, what pisses me off, what makes me stop my day and be annoyed, stop and have to fix a problem, what are those problems, and how do I fix them.

All of this to say, this is what I fell asleep thinking, but I didn’t blog it, leading to a shitty night’s sleep with an over active brain because I didn’t get to blog or finish writing in Flake City, so…

Yeah, I need to eliminate and sort some problems, and also forgive myself when I don’t get to everything, because I am only human. Instead of being annoyed, I need to let it go, and try again tomorrow, so the irritation doesn’t affect my sleep.

The writing, though, I need to find a way to somehow squeeze that in, because that is much harder to move on from.

So, that’s the blog lesson for today.

Thanks for Reading.

❤️

Abbi