Greetings and Salutations, Blog Readers!
Today is Thursday, the 13th of February- Galentines Day! Which is a new thing in the pop culture but I don’t really give a fuck.
Today, my entire attitude is I don’t give a fuck.
Because often times, my caring is too much and it leads to more stress, more frustrations, disappointments, are just more bad crap…and I hate it.
It also has health problems, because I carry that stress around. To make matters worse, I tend to not confide my problems in others, for fear of “spreading” the toxic crap bringing me down.
So I have to be sure if what I am spending energy on, mental or otherwise, is worth it.
I can’t keep expending energy on things that have no R.O.I for me personally and my goals, nor can I keep spending energy on things that leave me drained for my art.
No, I can’t quit my job just yet, but I can absolutely do the hard work needed to not let this stuff bother me as much, and how to keep a I don’t give a fuck kind of attitude.
I got a full 7.5, nearly 8 hours of sleep last night, and I woke up feeling tired, but much better than I had yesterday.
Yesterday, I spent much of the day crying, at my wits end.
Nearly ready for a break down, frankly.
FUCK THAT. I am NOT about to let this fucking place make me lose myself, in any capacity. I have had to fight way to fucking hard to get to where I am, to be sure of myself even a little, and I am not about to let some piece of shit job hurt my mental stability.
So, I have decided to work incredibly hard at not giving a fuck.
Also on doing a few more things to monetize the blog, to give me more backups for if that attitude gets me fired. The later is highly unlikely because not giving a fuck generally means you can keep it to yourself and not pop off…But just in case.
Personally I am hoping for a first half of Office Space kind of deal where is stop giving a fuck and suddenly do better in life. Instead of Jennifer Anniston, I have Bret, and instead of committing fraud, I have advancing my own writing career by putting effort into my blog, and cutting anything from my life that doesn’t’ serve that purpose.
There is a scene from “How I met your mother” where the mother (In the episode in the ninth season where we see HER entire story condensed into one episode) the Naked Man tells her the following advice, and despite being naked, it is such good advice she forgets he is awkwardly sitting naked on her couch.
“Take the thing you want to do, and your ever decision and action, let it be informed by that thing.” I am sure I am paraphrasing a little, I will try to watch that episode this evening while I edit to get it right. I think I may post this tonight however, or maybe even sooner, so we shall see if I get the quote right or just edit it in later. Probably the latter. (Editing note- Yeah, fuck it, I want to post this one today while people are hitting my blog up- so I don’t miss a posting day.)
But the idea is every day, every moment, every choice and action you take should be in service of your goals.
So my job may not be in service to my goals, but it is money coming in that allows me to pursue them, so I can keep it on the plate.
Fighting with Bret because we are both mad about stupid shit at work…is NOT serving that goal, and it doesn’t help either of us very much either. I can’t say we won’t lash out at the other in moments of weakness or frustration, but we can work hard to not do so, and to maybe not let work bother us as much long term.
Sure, one day in the eventual future we will make enough with our art to with this place, but more stresses will take the place of it, and we have to make sure we are able to handle that stress… without taking it out on the other person in the partnership.
This rule can be applied to other things to- like if you find yourself being lazy and not doing anything more than scrolling through social media- Is that in service of your goals?
I’m not saying you can’t spend any time doing something mindless, in fact, many say that to avoid burn out you need to indulge in mindless stuff (OCCASIONALLY), however, you can also be mindful of the choices you make, and make them in service of your goals.
Are the people you are following, the people you are allowing to fill your timeline, are those people serving your goals? Do those people inspire you?
That expression about “if you look around your circle and don’t see anyone who inspires you, you don’t have a circle you have a cage” thing applies here, in a great capacity.
Take me, for example. I try to follow fellow writers, be they more or less talented, successful, dedicated or paid as me. If those writers start posting only “Blah blah blah big talk no walk” type posts, or overly negative posts EVERY SINGLE TIME, I unfollow.
If they are always talking shit about other writers, or even if they claim to be blogger but NEVER post a blog- I unfollow that shit.
Because first of all, I know those people piss me off, and I need to not have that energy around me.
Second of all, why the fuck would I want to risk even being associated with people who are ALL talk and NO walk.
People who are always “working on their notes” for their writing project or “just have to figure a few more things out before they start writing” or have “had writers block for years.”
Look, I know what it means because I had “writers block” for years. I spent tons of time researching crap, gathering my notes, organizing my every thought into a cute binder.
It’s just an excuse to buy office supplies, and all writers are guilty of wanting new notebooks, so I hardly judge on this part, but I judge when you never fill those pages, when you talk about writing more than you write.
It’s pathetic, and I don’t want you anywhere near my timeline, hell, I don’t like that they follow, RT, and like my content, because it all feels fake…because they aren’t actually writing and trying. They just want to talk shit about those who do. Or pretend to be writers in general. Normally they can’t even be bothered to read the stuff they share, so it’s doubly disrespectful.
It’s okay to admit you have been wrong in the past. That you have been lazy, unmotivated, and tossing out a million and one shitty excuses for it too.
It’s okay to turn away from those shitty habits and make better choices, too.
Because it ISN’T writers block. Sit down, and write.
Even if it’s nonsense words, just write. Even if it has nothing to do with your work in progress. If your work in progress is actually giving you writers block then guess what?
Your work in progress isn’t serving your goals.
Boom! Reality bomb! Sometimes you are your own problem! Sometimes YOU are YOUR OWN ENEMY.
So grow up, knock it off, and get better at pursuing your goals.
Now, originally I wanted to write a blog all about Valentines Day, but now I have talked about this for a while, so I think we will go with this one instead.
I may post this today, or tomorrow. I may write a Valentines day post…I will probably think about my options and do whichever best serves my goals.
I suggest you do the same.
Thanks for Reading.