Greetings and Salutations, my dearest Blog Readers!
Today, I am desperately trying to get back into the swing of things, while also trying out some new habits and schedules.
So, to begin with, it can not be understated how bad the depression has hit since I got back to Houston from Atlanta. At first, it was the productive depression, but, it started turning to messy depressy, and *then* I went and got the vaccine.
Now, I am immune compromised a bit, so we knew the vaccine was gonna hit a bit hard, and knock me around a bit. All studies indicated it would take four days to get over the vaccine unwellness, maybe less. I am hopeful for less, and today is day two.
It comes in waves, the unwellness, but, it helped me see that i was depressed, because I legit didn’t notice this depressive spell come on, I think being sad about coming back to Houston may have hid the “nope this is an actual depression spell brought on, not just a small sadness.”
Anyways, now I am aware it is a depressive spell, I can ride that wave better, as a LONG veteran of the messy depressy spells, I am pretty good at riding them now, more so with all the work I have done on my mental wellness in the past year. Have I fixed my depression? Uhhh, obviously not, but, I have gotten better at handling it.
So, I made sure to get to bed early last night, I got up before ten today, and I immediately launched into doing things that were productive but also made me happy. After doing my morning routine and actually putting some form of clothing together and on my body, I caught up on some things I wanted to do, and now I am working on this blog.
After this, I will edit some videos or clean my VERY messy apartment…the later is a bigger job than it normally is and here is why: I had company for a few days before leaving for a week to visit my family. That same company was here for a few days after I returned, and then when they left, I was only home for one day, less than 24 hours, before I then left for Atlanta for five days. All this time away led to my cats being quite angry with me, and even with my friend JT checking on them the last five days of all this travel, the girls were pissed.
They are less angry now, both cuddle up to sleep with me, and even are sitting next to me as I type this, but my apartment is a wreck.
Oh, and on top of all of this, I started pre-packing my apartment for the move, trying to see what all I needed to go through, what I had to pack, toss, sell, or put aside for Bret to come get, but, that led to my bedroom being wrecked, and half my living room even more destroyed than before.
Not great. Not great at all. Add a depressive episode I wasn’t fully aware of, which to me doing my bare minimum daily chores and nothing else, plus feeling unwell with vaccine side effects.
My apartment is wrecked. My content game has been disrupted, I went two months without a YouTube video and here on the blog, posts went down to as infrequent as one a week.
Sometimes two or three but still. I don’t like any of that, more so when I can’t even blame Flake City for the lack of content.
Sure, there was a lot of job searching, and still is a ton of job searching, but, truth be told, this is something that can eventually make money and does bring me bliss, and one can not overlook that I get depressed when I fall off my content schedule. One could say I fall off because of the depression, but, in this case, and many others, I am depressed because circumstance has forced me to fall off my game, or, circumstance coupled with my own little failures like failing to plan for travel time etc etc.
I need to work on that, as I have said I would. But I also have thirty blog posts typed up that I am no longer sure about posting because my life has changed a bit…so I think I may spend some time reworking the ones that still are relevant to my life, tossing the old, and getting my blog schedule back.
My new schedule I want to try for on the blog is at least three posts a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I want to post at least one YouTube video a week, maybe on Saturday? Or Tuesday or Thursday I don’t know just yet. But at least one. And then I also want to get the cats’ Instagram page going again, with their scheduled posts, because I have so many videos and pictures of my babies, why not post them.
I also have some other writing projects I am working on, in addition to the blog, like my creative writing, and of course, things like my writing course, which while I have fallen off of, I am working on so I can get that out to the people who have been requesting such content and help.
So that is where I am at, right now. I feel slightly unwell because of vaccine reactions, which are well within my expectations. I am fighting depression. My apartment is a hot damn mess. I am working on a new content schedule.
Of course, I can’t just let those problems sit…so I am drinking tons of water, trying to stay as active as my sore body will allow, taking small trips outside when able, etc etc. I am considering lunch with a friend, to also help fight the depression, and of course, working on content helps too. My apartment is slowly getting better, and I am making small steps, five minutes or so of work when I am not too dizzy, to get it tidy again, so while it is slow going, it is going.
After lunch, if I feel well, I may try and clean for twenty-thirty minutes, using my quick timer method I am sure plenty of depressed folks use when trying to clean up during the messy depressy spells.
And when I finish that, I am going to work on some more blog stuff, like my next post, which will hopefully detail all the work I did to get further along in this depressive episode, and further along the road to recovery.
Or at least will be written from a cleaner apartment, at a cleaner desk, with some more of my stuff packed up for the move.
Thanks for reading,