Greetings and Salutations, Blog Readers!

Today, I am talking about how tired I am of surviving. 

No, I am not wanting to not live, I am, actually, wanting to live, instead of merely surviving. 

I have been in survivor mode so long I am (jokingly?) cheering for the zombies. 

Maybe you are too. Maybe you are also in total survival mode. 

It sucks. It takes too much energy every single day. It makes you sleep poorly, impacts your mood negatively, makes cognitive reasoning more difficult, and basically fucks with every part of your life. 

We aren’t meant to live and exist in survival mode, and yet that’s all we keep doing. Survival mode. 

Not everyone, sure, some of us are fortunate and don’t live that way all the time, hell some people don’t live that way at all and don’t know what I am talking about…But those people probably didn’t stumble upon my blog like you did. 

But a lot of us do, some live in survival mode, and have their whole lives, others have found themselves on survival mode recently. 

Some have generational trauma built, around everyone in their life and family always being on survival mode, passing that trauma down every generation, which, frankly, absolutely leads to the current crisis-es our world founds us in. 

Because hell, our leadership isn’t even making good choices, and they don’t worry about how to pay rent and eat in the same month. Yet even wealthier folks make choices out of a survival mindset, which, overtime, isn’t healthy, and leads to more issues, because the first ones weren’t solved properly.

But I don’t feel like talking about how rough our elected officials who keep fucking us over, have it, because they make it worse for us, and they ultimately do have a choice and could end it. 

Most of the rest of us living in survival mindset land do not have the same luxury. 

This isn’t a blog to offer solutions, sadly, either. I don’t have them, I am still living in survival mode. Honestly it wasn’t until it was brought up to me in my (free because I’m poor) therapy, in which it was pointed out that I’m hitting my capacity for who I am and who I am living as. I don’t like living like this, and pushing through it and living like someone who isn’t barely surviving, is not helping me at all, in fact, in many ways it exhausts me more.

But I refuse to give up doing the things I love, like writing and making content. I love this shit, and want to succeed at doing it for the rest of my life. 

So imagine hearing, left and right, not just from your therapist, that the very survival mentality you are trying to break out of, is likely what is keeping you from succeeding?

That stopped me dead. So, I don’t know what I am going to do, but I can’t keep making choices out of survival, because that is all anyone does and it rarely pans out. 

But, I can’t exactly change anything either.

So, all this to say, I am so tired of living in survival mode, and am eagerly ready for that to change. 

I wish I could offer more insight, but some blogs are just about what I am going through, and I hope someone else out there relates so maybe, if nothing else, you know you aren’t alone. 

Let’s kill some zombies. 

Thanks for reading, 

Abbi