Greetings and Salutations, Blog Readers!
Today, I have been stressed.
Today is day one of the water challenge, which has been the least stressful part of my day.
I reformatted my resume to better showcase myself in my job search, which grows more desperate by the minute, and after sending it to no less than thirty job postings, two typos were brought to my attention. Fantastic. So I corrected those errors, and re-posted it, attempted to reapply for those jobs with the new resume, discovered I couldn’t, and set about applying to more places.
While I did all this, I also discovered my favorite band, Ludo, finally announced Ha-Ludo-Ween tickets…which until YESTERDAY I had meticulously saved the money for.
So now I am not only broke because Greg Abbott feels he can pretend the pandemic is over and cancel everyone’s unemployment, even though our economy has NOT bounced back, but I am also too broke to buy the tickets I have hoped for.
My last time I got to go to this concert it was ruined by feeling guilty, because it was Bret’s birthday weekend, and going to see my favorite band do a show they hadn’t done in ten years wasn’t something he wanted to do, so I felt guilty.
Had I known what all was going on in my relationship, I wouldn’t have felt so bad, but alas, I didn’t, so I did feel guilty.
This is why I wanted to go see Ludo, either alone or with someone who wouldn’t shit on my favorite band. Life, as it turns out has other plans.
As some of you know, here in Texas, Abbott opted to end ALL unemployment related to the pandemic, not just “the extra money every week” but, ALL unemployment, so, if you were unemployed because of the pandemic, which I was, I no longer get funds.
Which means if you were fired for sucking at your job, you get to have unemployment benefits, but if a global pandemic ended your job, you can get bent, I guess.
All of this led to me being pretty down, and prompted Justin to tell me I should relax, and do what I want to do.
I told Justin, oh, like get another Google Certification? And apparently he meant something fun, relaxing, something I want to do, not *should* do.
And now I don’t know what that would even be, so I am blogging.
What *do* I want?
Oh, I know, a basic job, work from home, that will allow me to pay the bills.
What’s depressing is, with my resume, I shouldn’t be struggling to find work. I sure as heck shouldn’t be begging for $16 USD an hour.
But I am.
So, what I want is to find a job that will let me work from home, wherever my home may be, and allow me to pay said home’s bills.
Why work from home? Because I don’t want another virus to end my employment and land me back on unemployment searching for a job with millions of other desperate job seekers.
I want Ludo tickets. I wanted to maybe take someone who would appreciate them, or even go alone, but…Ha. Not an option now.
I want to not feel bad if I take too long in the shower because that is time I could spend job hunting. I want to not feel bad for spending five minutes not being productive.
Every second I do something, I have to find a way for it to be “productive” – either making content, creating something for my writing, or doing something that long term could pay off, like learning new skills.
If I spend time not doing any of those things, or working out or cleaning, I feel I am wasting time, and as a jobless person I can’t do that.
Wild that our society values jobs so much that you can quickly dehumanize yourself…because even as I type this I realize how very insane it is to never allow yourself a moments rest.
No fucking wonder I toss and turn all night. When the fuck am I signaling to my brain that I am allowed to rest and relax?
Well, I’ll say this, I am very glad I ordered blue light blocking glasses, so I can maybe help my eyes and brain not be so strained from all this computer time. I may see if I can get a pair without a prescription for when I wear my contacts too, because I am sure that doesn’t help matters.
I don’t know what I want, other than a job, peace of mind, and some Ludo tickets when they go on sale on Friday, but I know I gotta figure it out because this isn’t mentally healthy.
So, I am going to wrap this up here, and maybe go watch a zombie movie like Zombieland one and two, because they are so wholesome, and maybe do a face mask or something.
Thanks for reading,
PS- I may redo my resume again with a new headshot. At this point, every bit helps. If you know of at home/remote work that is paying well, or even decent, or just enough to pay the bills, please let me know.