I have about an hour to get to work, but I’m shockingly ahead of schedule. All I’ve got left is getting dressed, makeup, and grabbing my stuff.
And prepping breakfast.
Okay so I’m not exactly loaded with time at the moment. But I also wanted to do a blog update so here we are.
I do have quite a bit to get done today, but it’s also been carefully scheduled to be as chill as possible. If you follow the blog, or any of my social media, you know I tend to have kind of rough Thursdays. They just…go sideways and leave me wondering if I’ll ever get the hang of them.
And because I never can get the hang of them it seems, I have started trying to set myself up for success.
As you may know, I’m all about helping future Abbi out, and I frequently enjoy the benefits of past Abbi’s efforts.
So today I have scheduled very little and I spent much of yesterday preparing for today, so I’m going to go get ready and see if I can avoid the Thursday curse.
So, I arrived at work, and couldn’t help but think maybe other people are being afflicted with the Thursday curse, so I am keeping my head down today and hoping for the best.
I have my cold brew and a plethora of snacks. I will survive, and with any luck, I will thrive.
Discussing my Enneagram test results
Yesterday, if you recall, I finally caved to online social pressure and took the Enneagram test.
And after taking a few different versions, all of which came back with the same results, I learned I was a 5w6- five with wings to six.
So, now that I have slept on my results, I am feeling a little less attacked, and am ready to discuss this topic.
First, why I feel attacked.
I have taken many of the various personality tests that have come to the social consciousness. None have had answers that were so detailed ans specific that I actually felt like the answers pertained to me.
Incredibly accurate, for me, and as it turns out, several other people have all also found it incredibly spot on accurate.
Sometimes, it is a little uncomfortable to be told things about yourself that you maybe…didn’t realize?
Things like “survival through knowledge and self-sufficiency,” weren’t so shocking, I of course, overwhelmingly knew this, I have an entire fucking Pinterest board dedicated to survival in a myriad of conditions and situations.
Even assessments like “Of all the Enneagram types, the Five is most concerned with seeing the world as it actually is, regardless of how ugly or unsettling. Nothing is taboo or off limits for Fives; any form of censorship is anathema to them. Seeing objective truth as the path to salvation, anyone or anything attempting to obfuscate the truth may be treated as an object of derision by the Five. While extroverted types such as the Three or the Eight may wield more overt power or influence, the Five feels his insight into “hidden realities” or his acquisition of esoteric knowledge will ultimately comprise his saving grace.”
This was more insightful, and helped me feel “seen” as it were, I definitely felt parts of the answers were helpful, and really helped me realize things I had always known, but maybe I hadn’t accepted, or even articulated.
For example, know that I tend to see the world as described above, but I don’t know that I would have worded it all the same way.
Inversely, things like fives tend to “conceptualize everything before acting” made me feel a little attacked.
I like to think about things a lot, back off.
Or, how desperately I need to be seen as knowledgeable, or at very least, not ignorant.
I have known for a very long time how much I value my brain and intellect…but I didn’t need some test calling me out like this.
No one needs to know how much that fuels my every action, you rude ass test.
Oh, or, when I frequently, and I do mean FREQUENTLY blog about my ongoing time management battles, trying to fit more time in the day, trying to not be ruled by a clock or outside…and then see “In working to ascertain their desired level of knowledge and insight, Fives come to see time as their most precious commodity,” I feel FAIRLY attacked.
Like damn, I didn’t do anything to this test and this test is just attacking me…
But! If all of this wasn’t enough to make me feel simultaneously attacked and seen, there is this next little passage.
(FYI, all of this information is available on a number of sites and books but for ease of quoting and doing some citations here is the site I used. )
“In light of their insatiable appetite for time, knowledge, and self-sufficiency, the Five’s essential vice, according to the Enneagram, is avarice or greed. Because of this propensity, Fives’ intimates may at times consider them selfish or neglectful, incapable of turning their attention away from their own pursuits. Relationships can thus be a source of great tension for the Five. Indeed, some may even decide that romantic involvement is not worth their trouble.”
I joke, but yesterday I did feel some kind of way, mostly attacked, at the accuracy. I was also blown away by how much having that information would have been helpful for me and would have helped save me so many frustrations.
Like, for example, don’t lead with emotions when talking to 5’s, more so 5w6’s…We don’t work well with those.
Also, give us time to process everything you have told us, before needing a response.
This information alone, knowing this was how I worked, and that I wasn’t “so weird” “Why don’t you just know how you feel…” as so many people suggested.
Small rant, or segue, depending on how it goes.
I have had partners, potential partners, and people who just want to be with me, literally make me feel like total SHIT just for me being me.
It was such a relief, despite being attacked, to know that is just how I am.
Maybe it was the validation of people being a certain way and that being okay.
It was nice to know that hey, guess what, asshole ex who LITERALLY bombarded me FIRST THING in the morning about something as STUPID as “I would feel more secure if you would officially date me” wasn’t as he claimed, the person who knew me best. (okay this isn’t a surprise. He didn’t know shit.) Turns out, his actions, his insistence on this being how we communicate, wasn’t good for me, and that’s okay!!! That doesn’t make me broken.
So it should surprise no one that I dumped him a month later, after literally hating him for a month. Live and learn.
For the record his feelings were also valid, up until he tried to make my choices to align with his own “type”.
Anyways, as I said- live and learn.
But this is the point of life, right?
Anyways, I will say I was surprised to not be marked as a 5w4, which apparently always strive to know themselves better, which I am always obsessed with, but I also see how I have more 5w6 tendencies.
(Also, if you follow my blog, and have ANY input on enneagram test, like if you are surprised or not at all to see my results, or if you want to tell me yours PLEASE let’s connect! DM me on IG or Twitter, let’s talk about it!)
Late Thursday evening
So after work I had a meeting with a client and got home late. Now I’m at home and it’s late, I need to edit the blog, do my face, and get ready for bed.
Tomorrow is Friday!
I have some plans this weekend, including blogging and getting a blog or two up. But who knows, maybe i will just blog on Monday, even though it’s a holiday. Lots of creative writing to get done and I’m excited about it. And it all starts after work on Friday.
I hope we all have a wonderful Friday and great holiday weekend.